Rainblade-Ryalors Private Barracks/Imperial Condos Completed The Dreams We Live For

[Caden S. Freemont]

"There is no rush, after all, no urgency," Caden reminded Daniil. "You'll know who should have it when the time is right."

He felt a pang of fear. At first he thought to keep it from his partner, but he had been stoic enough with his fears since the attack, and he was in desperate need of some type of reassurance. Caden scooted towards Daniil and lowered himself gently against the todd as a kit might do to seek comfort from a parent. "But, um, I just need to ask: turning in your badge but staying here, aye?" he asked softly.

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil started at the question, then slowly exhaled. "I mean, it depends," he quietly stated. He peeked at Caden from the corner of his eye as he inquired, "Do you want me to stay?"

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

The jack nuzzled more deeply against Daniil, letting out a small purr. "Of course I want you to stay." He peered up at the todd, the smallest of playful smiles teasing at the corners of his mouth. "Asta can't be expected to keep me civilized all on her own, after all."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil smiled and leaned in to kiss Caden's cheek. "Then I'll stay," he promised. "No matter what, Caden, as long as you want me, I'll stay."

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Caden purred again. "Okay. That's...that's really nice to hear, Daniil. I'm glad." He looked away, his shoulders hunching slightly in shame. "Um, I'm sorry I got so angry and said some...harsh things to you. I know you've been having a hard time, too. None of this has been easy for any of us."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil put a paw gently on Caden's shoulder, trying to avoid his burns. "It's alright," he assured the marten. "I needed to hear it. I've been living my life letting other people make my decisions for me, instead of deciding what I wanted. I needed that shove. I'm sorry I was selfish and wasn't thinking about what you needed."

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

"What I need, hm?" Caden lifted a suggestive brow, letting his tone and expression speak the unspoken. Then he chuckled and flopped further down so his head was in Daniil's lap. "Though maybe not here. We don't want to traumatize Asta."

He was quiet as he thought about their conversation, one paw stroking along the back of Daniil's arm where it rested near his head. "So if not the Guard, then what?" he asked. "Not that you need to know all the details now, but do you have any ideas?"

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil sighed, shifting to rest his weight on the throw pillows at the side of the couch. "I don't know," he admitted morosely. "I'm not a great poet, and even if I was, it's very hard to make a living that way. I don't think my family will keep supporting me, and it's probably for the best that they don't. I need to figure out how to do my own thing, make my own path. I suppose I could get a job in another ministry," he allowed. "Become a clerk, file paperwork all day. I can read and write Vulpinsulan and Fyadorian; that has to count for something, right?"

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

"I think it definitely counts for something. And, well, I don't mind supporting you for a bit while you figure it out," Caden offered. "Remember the story I told Tanya about deposing the king of Armöst? That job paid quite well. I literally could have stopped working for the rest of my life at that point, become a Duke of one of the Wardens with probably the largest land holding in Varangia, and raised my own private army with plenty of funds left over."

He shrugged his uninjured shoulder. "Obviously I didn't stop working, and I have been careful with how I spend my money, this house being my largest purchase in a decade. So, if you need time to take a break and just figure yourself out, you have it. I'm not going anywhere, and I want you to be able to find your way, whatever that looks like."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil smiled, and he leaned in to kiss Caden softly. "Thank you," he murmured, settling as to not put weight on Caden's chest, but stay close nonetheless. "I don't want to take advantage of your generosity, though, so I promise, I'll do everything I can to help with the housework. Especially while you're recovering," he added. "I'll probably go down to the barracks later this week to hand in my badge and... and discuss with Alwyn what to do with Requiem. Hopefully he agrees that I can hold onto her." His fists tightened as he remarked, "I don't think there's anyone else in the family who could wield her right now. Valin and Mileya have no interest in swords, nor do Alexei and Ameliya, and Anastasia, well, she's had her own for a long while. Who knows?" he added with a smile. "Maybe I'll be able to hold onto her until Asta has kits of her own, and pass it off to one of them one day."

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Caden closed his eyes as he dealt with the ball of guilt weighing on his chest. "I...don't know how these matters work in families such as yours, so whatever you discern to be best, I trust you in that. I'm sure Asta would be honored by such a gesture."

He felt the weight pressing up his throat. Why not tell him now? That small voice said. He could move the conversation in that direction, it was right there, the option to completely upturn Daniil's reality and likely ruin their relationship forever. It was always there, that possibility. Now it just seemed so close, Caden could taste it like the metallic tang of blood in his mouth. Oh, no, that was actually blood. He had bit down on his lip so hard that he had made himself bleed.

"Speaking of Asta, when I was in the hospital and you two were visiting, did I hear her discussing with you the possibility of her joining the Unsmudgables?" Yes, move the conversation far, far away from Vaelora and her sword. "Or was I dreaming? Most of my time there feels not quite real."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil took a moment to think. "Right, she was saying something about that," he reflected. "I mean, I didn't know what to say at the time. I was still feeling guilty over not being there to protect her through the fight." He sighed, looking down at Caden's chest, before his eyes suddenly widened. "Maybe that's it," he exclaimed. "I can join the Unsmudgeables too. That way I'll be there to protect her. Plus, they like art, don't they? I can work on my poetry while I train with the blade, like a classical samurai."

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

"You'd be an asset to them for sure," Caden said. He reached up to prod Daniil playfully in the side. "Maybe you'd even feel comfortable coming out in the workplace. I think every other beast in Niceties is something other than straight, or at least that's what I remember from my experience with them when I was younger." He continued, musing, "I suppose I never did mention to you that the last beast who raised me before I left the Imperium was the Minister of Niceties. I think it was being around all those very accepting beasts that helped me be more comfortable with myself back then."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil blushed at the prospect of being open about his relationship. While same-sex relationships were common in Fyador, if not fully sanctioned yet by the state and temples, interspecies relationships didn't carry the same acceptance yet. "Maybe," he allowed. "I'll have to see what the environment is like first. I've only ever worked in the military, not in civilian organizations, and the culture... Well, you know. I didn't even know that Eirene was gay until you invited us all here for dinner."

His gaze turned curious as he added, "You don't talk a lot about that time. Was that Senderjay, or Prismati who raised you? I don't really remember the sequence of ministers too well."

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Caden raised his paws to his face, pushing up his glasses and rubbing at his eyes as he sighed and worked to keep his expression from appearing too stressed once he lowered his paws again.

"Kazarain al Prismati, aye. She came after Senderjay, who died alongside my mum in the Winter War." He hesitated and searched for his next words, very careful to keep his gaze firmly on the ceiling rather than looking at Daniil. "Those were some of the darkest years of my early life. During the end of the war I had been a ward of Darkon, the Minister of War who succeeded my mum, then I got passed along to Kazarin as the war ended and things settled out some. I was eight at the time, and Kazarin raised me and Senderjay's bastard son, Sebastian, until we left. As per Sken's will, she was trying to prepare me for taking over as head of the Freemont family when I came of age. I, uh, may have purposefully timed my exit from the Imperium about a year before that happened."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil winced at the mention of taking over the Freemont Family. "I'm glad you did," he commented. "I've seen what it did to my uncle, and what those preparations have been doing to Alwyn. I'm pretty sure it would have made you miserable. It is funny that Nadia raised you, though," he added. "After Mum died, she raised us for a bit, until we ran away anyway. If you'd stayed a little longer, we'd have practically been brothers." He furrowed his brow as he inquired, "So, it was just to avoid family duties that you left the Imperium?"

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

"It is interesting how close we came to meeting when we were kits." Caden blew out a long breath, trying to calm the rapidly beating of his heart. He hoped Daniil couldn't feel it. "I left for a lot of reasons. Avoidance of family duty was one. I also wanted to make my own name for myself. Here I was the son of Nuori Sken, war hero who was lauded for her great sacrifice to the Imperium. There was so much pressure to live up to her name, and I wanted to be my own beast without all that. More than that, though, I had to leave or else I would be eaten alive by my anger with my mother and all that the Imperium represented to her."

Caden closed his eyes, taking another slow breath. "I don't know if this is classified information anymore, but best to keep this between you and me. There were a great many rumors about what caused the explosion. When I was older, I learned from Kazarin that it had been entirely orchestrated by the Ministers as a way to lure in the Coalition forces en masse and take them out. My mother and Senderjay knew they were going to die that day, and they marched to their deaths, taking out as many of the enemy as they could along the way.

"Once I learned the truth, I would go to the site of the explosion and just stare at it, fuming. I was so angry with her. She didn't have to go into that fight like that. She could have let some other beast lead that charge and stayed safe. But no, she was dedicated to country more than anything else, more than being a mother, more than to her own son. She chose that plan, along with Senderjay, to take out as many of the enemy as possible, sacrificing herself so that the glorious Imperium could continue." He scoffed. Tears had built in his eyes as he spoke, and they began to slide down his cheeks from his shut eyelids.

"She didn't even tell me what she was going to do. Maybe it's because she knew I'd do anything to try to stop it from happening. I was a...determined kit when I put my mind to something. That morning she left as though it were any other day. I remember I had been upset with her for making me stay at home rather than letting me go to the Ministry, and I didn't even give her a hug goodbye." He opened his eyes and wiped at the tears. "I felt the explosion all the way from Zann's Backyard. I don't know what it says about me that I didn't cry for years after she died. It was like my anger consumed everything else that I could possibly feel about it. All I could think was that she had willingly abandoned me for this place, and once I got it in my mind that I could leave and never look back, it was the only thing I wanted. The Imperium itself represented my mother's abandonment of me, and I couldn't stand to be here any longer."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil sat quiet, eyes wide, as Caden told him a side of the Winter War story he'd never heard before. As Caden sobbed, Daniil shifted his paw, trying to gently stroke the uninjured part of the marten's fur. He was quiet for a long moment, pondering what to say, what he could possibly say to that.

"I'm so sorry Caden," he said quietly, his own eyes shimmering with tears. "That wasn't fair at all of her to do that to you. She should have stayed with you; if nothing else, she should have given you a chance to properly say goodbye. Whatever pain she thought she was saving you, she was wrong."

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "My mother signed a document the day she died," he stated. "It was a loyalty oath. She signed away her Fyadorian citizenship, her title, her family name, so that she... So that we could stay in the Imperium. If she hadn't, we'd have been put on a boat and sent back to Fyador." He shook his head as he continued. "I didn't find out about it until years after. My uncle refused to accept it; he said she wouldn't have signed it, and even if she did, it was under duress. He believed she would never have given up being a Ryalor. My aunt said it made sense, though; that she was trying to protect me and my siblings so we could all stay together in the Imperium. Ironically, if she hadn't signed it, if she'd refused, we'd have been repatriated to Fyador and she'd still be alive today."

He took a deep breath before continuing, "The thing is, I never could understand why she wanted us to stay. I couldn't figure out what was so special about the Imperium, what she loved so much about it, that she'd risk everything, give up everything, to stay here. I hated the Imperium for a long time, yes, for taking her from me, but also for making her love it enough to die for it. I felt like she loved the Imperium more than she loved me."

He shrugged, looking to Caden with sympathy in his eyes. "We'll probably never fully understand our mothers. All we can really decide is how we want to remember them: as selfish and uncaring, or as flawed femmes trying to make a hard decision. I know what I've decided." He reached down and took Caden's paw in his, squeezing it tightly.

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

The tears streamed more readily from Caden's eyes the longer Daniil spoke. His internal struggle had turned into an outright war, and it felt as though it was tearing him in half. When Daniil took his paw, Caden let out a whimper and shifted to curl up against the todd, shaking with heavier sobs, not unlike that which he had let out when they had first sat down. He gripped Daniil's paw almost vicelike as he felt something akin to panic overtaking him. Caden tried to take deeper, slower breaths, focusing on the scent of his partner and the fox's heartbeats and the feel of his fur against his face. He couldn't speak immediately as he attempted to calm himself, his entire body shaking with his sobs.

Finally he regained enough control and let out a long, shuddering breath. "Flawed, certainly," he managed, voice hoarse. "I'm--I'm so sorry, too, Daniil. For what you went through and how you lost her. For what it's worth, I don't think she knew staying in the Imperium would end with her death. I think she was doing what she thought was best for you. I...I remember that night, the chaos and riots, all the Ryalors murdered. She couldn't have known that would happen."

It was right there, the possibility. He felt it rising in his chest again, but it felt like jumping off a cliff to his death. Caden closed his eyes again and buried his face into Daniil, unable to even look at the fox.

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil held Caden to him, cradling the marten as carefully as he could around the burn wounds. "It's alright," he murmured, stroking Caden's back. "I know she didn't. She never meant to leave us. I'm sure your mother was hoping and praying that she would come home that night, and she wouldn't have to make that sacrifice." He smiled sadly as he assessed, "She probably figured that she died protecting you. The way she did it was not good; she should have given you a proper goodbye. I'm sure it was still out of love for you, though. After all, if I can love you so deeply, and so can Asta, and so did Einar, then I can't imagine your mother not loving you even more deeply."