Private Barracks/Imperial Condos Completed Comrade in Harms

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil blinked at the compassion that Caden demonstrated, then looked down at Caden's paw in his before lightly, a bit experimentally, squeezing it. "I..." Why was his mouth so dry? "Thank you, Caden. I... I'm sorry about your husband." He was quiet a moment before softly asking, "Did it make everything better? Getting vengeance?"

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Despite himself, Caden managed a small, dry laugh. "I wouldn't say it made everything better. It didn't bring him back; it didn't reverse the shattering of mine and Asta's life. It was cathartic, in its own way, though." He opened and closed his left paw, looking at the calluses from a lifetime of gripping the hilt of a weapon.

"But I may be too comfortable with killing and death at this point, given how long it has been a part of my life. I feel perhaps had a beast less prepared to deal out pain and death done what I did, it could leave a mark on their soul that may or may not cause them even further suffering."

He met Daniil's paw squeeze with a gentle squeeze of his own. "What I'm trying to say, is be careful with yourself. Vengeance may be what you need, or it may fester and keep you from living. Knowing which path is right for you is something only you can decide."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil kept his eyes on their conjoined paw, quiet as he listened to Caden's explanation. He lightly squeezed back, weighing his words. "Sometimes," he said slowly, "I worry that I'll get to the other side and be worse than before. My sister thinks I should give it up for my own sake, and my brother says since Mayor Freedom is dead, then justice is done. I..." He hesitated before admitting, "I don't think that my mother would want this. I'm sure she'd want me to move on, to live my life. She was a very forgiving beast; I don't think she'd harbor a grudge against her killer. But, when I think about giving it up, I feel like I'd be dishonoring her memory if I stopped. So, why am I even doing this anymore? Am I doing it for her, or for me... or for nothing?"

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

"I suppose only you can answer that, really." Caden breathed through the anxiety and guilt that clenched at his chest and gut. "But perhaps you could just...take a break from it? Give yourself the option to return if it feels right, and in the meantime see what it feels like to stop for a short while."

Asta held the knife out to Daniil. "Caden, can you tell him that I think, whatever he does, it doesn't change the fact that his mother would love him for who he is, and that's the most important thing he can hold onto about her?"

Caden swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. He repeated Asta's words to the fox. "As a parent myself, I think Asta is right in that. Vaelora loved you no matter what, and that is a truth you can hold onto even when everything else seems so unclear."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil's eyes started to water as Caden and Asta spoke, offering him a way out that he previously hadn't dared to take. He drew in a few long breaths, trying to calm himself. "Thank you," he managed at last. "I know that she loved me, I just... Sometimes it's hard to believe she still would today, if that makes sense." He pressed his eyes shut, trying to stem the tide of tears, before he opened his watery eyes and looked to Caden. "Si- Caden," he managed, "can... Can I ask a favor of you that I have no right to ask?" He pulled the dagger from its sheath, offering it handle-first to Caden. "Would you hold onto the blade for me? Keep it safe? I... I think I would feel more comfortable, knowing it was in your paws."

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

The marten hid a wince as he took hold of the hilt. "I can do that," he said quietly. When he had used the knife in the alleyway, there had not been much time to notice the details of the blade, nor the capacity to let his memory wander. His eyes tracked over the weapon, memories of his conversation with Anithias in the Mayoral Mansion resurfacing, his infiltration into the Ryalor Embassy, the chaos and death of that night, the sensation of the blade sinking into her back, her blood flowing over his paws, his all-consuming hatred and rage--

Caden squeezed Daniil's paw once more and stood, careful not to jostle the fox. He had to move, had to breathe, had to be anywhere other than near Daniil in that moment. "I will--I will put it in the chest with my mother's personal effects."

For the time being, he set it on top of the piano and took a moment to lean on the upright, taking several deep breaths as he calmed the sudden energy coursing through him. He realized his shoulders were trembling. "I'm sorry. I think recounting those charged memories took me back to them more than I thought it would."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil stood, wincing both with pain and concern, as Caden leaned against the piano, a clear tremble coursing through his body. Daniil quietly moved to stand behind Caden, putting one paw on his shoulder. "Caden," he said softly, "what happened... that doesn't make you a bad person. You became who you had to be for the sake of avenging someone you loved. That isn't who you are now, I can see that clearly. If I need to let go of my desire for vengeance, then maybe what you need is to forgive yourself for acting on it."

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

He wanted to draw away and run, or at least part of him did. Another part wanted to place his head on Daniil's shoulder and let the fox hold him and soothe away all the hurts that had been building in him ever since he first stepped back onto Imperium soil.

Instead he froze, caught between two potent emotional realities. "Maybe," he said, his voice somehow level, though it felt to him like it was coming from far away, spoken by a different beast entirely. "I'm not sure I know how, though. I buried it all. Einar was the one who could help me when I felt this way, but he's gone now and I don't--"

He stopped, ear twitching towards Asta as she began to play a slow, gentle melody. Letting out a shaky breath, Caden lifted his paw to where Daniil's rested on his shoulder. He turned to the fox, trying to keep his expression from betraying his anguish. "Thank you for seeing me in that way. I can continue to try to forgive myself, but I'm afraid I don't fully know how. There is a great deal in my past I feel I ought to atone for. I felt like I had found that forgiveness in my life in Varangia with Einar and Asta, but when that ended and I returned here, it's almost as though I'm back to where I started. Which, I suppose in a way, I am."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil nodded solemnly, not minimizing his suffering or trying to brush it away. "Sometimes," he said quietly, "we have to confront the worst in us, the part we wished we'd left behind, before finally parting ways with it. Maybe..." He squeezed Caden's shoulder lightly. "Maybe that's a journey we can walk together," he softly suggested.

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Why did the soft-spoken, sensitive beasts know how to crack open his heart so well? He couldn't look the todd in the eye any longer. Caden dropped his forehead against Daniil's shoulder, careful to not lean too heavily against him.

"I think...I think I'd like that, Daniil."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil had to steady himself for a moment, more from surprise than anything; then, gingerly, he wrapped his arms around Caden's shoulders. "I'd like that too, Caden," he whispered.