Private The Docks Dinner for Two, Drama for Three

[Daniil Ryalor]

Confusion spread across Daniil's face before it turned to horror and shame. He dropped Caden's paw as quickly as if he'd been burned, lowering the one holding the boxed ring, though he didn't close it nor put it away yet. "I'm so sorry," he apologized, his tone begging for forgiveness as he blinked away his tears. "I just thought - you've seemed so distant lately, and like you were mad at me, and I thought you wanted me to-- I mean, we've been together for this long, and I feel like I needed to commit to..." His voice faltered as his words failed him, looking utterly lost in how to explain himself or make this situation better.

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Caden blew out an exasperated breath and ran a paw through his headfur, leaving it disheveled. "You thought it would be a good idea to ask me to marry you because you thought I was mad at you?" His tone was sharp, disbelieving. "Listen to yourself. Does that make any sense at all?"

He didn't give the todd an opportunity to answer as he continued. "Fy faen, Daniil. I know I'm your first partner, but you can't be that dense."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil wilted, slowly pulling away the box and putting it in his pocket. "So... you don't want to marry me then?" he asked. Small glimmers of tears came to the corners of his eyes. "I don't understand. I thought... I mean, I didn't want to marry you just because you were mad, I also thought that..." He struggled to explain himself, locked in a logical loop.

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Pain and guilt lanced across Caden's face. He looked away from Daniil, unable to meet his partner's gaze. He scratched at the edge of the scar on his face and grimaced. It was too difficult to feel afraid, so his anger raced to the surface.

"You thought what? You thought clinging to me even harder and forcing me to stay with you forever would make your pain and fear go away? That's not how it works, Daniil. You can't just grab onto somebeast and force them to be your security blanket against everything inside of you that you're afraid of. I can't be that beast. If you knew just half the things I've done, the kind of beast I am..." He let out a frustrated growl and threw his paws in the air in helpless anger. "And that's not even taking into account you and everything you've been through and just how you are, unable to get past your mother's murder and what that did to you."

Caden stopped himself, breathing hard, glaring into the middle distance just over Daniil's left shoulder. "We're both damaged goods. What happened to us as kits, losing our mothers and what that drove us to do and to be...that wasn't our choice at the time, but we grew up and had the opportunity to move on. Did you actually move on, though, Daniil? Or are you just trying to force me into the hole in your soul left by Armi--Vaelora?"

His heart pounded at his slip up. He found himself meeting Daniil's gaze, terror welling in his chest and throat, sending his entire body into alert, and there he was again, a fiercely afraid kit with a knife in his paws, the blade plunging into her flesh and blood spilling onto his white fur. He was watching the life leave her eyes, and he felt the exhilaration and shame filling him again in that moment as he stood before his partner whose mother he had murdered all those years ago.

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil's eyes had grown wide, shock momentarily halting the tears that threatened to spill from them. "I... I thought... I thought you loved me," he said weakly. "I love you, Caden. I... I didn't know you hated me so much." The tears started to fall then, and he looked down, his lower lip trembling. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a burden. I never wanted to tax you and Asta with my presence." Something wasn't sitting right with him, something that Caden had said, or started to say... He looked up at Caden, his eyes wide. "You... You don't really believe that my mother was a monster, do you? She loved me, she loved all of us so much. If you'd ever gotten to meet her, you'd have seen that."

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Caden heard a roaring in his ears, or was it screaming? He couldn't stop himself any more. He couldn't keep the guilt at bay, couldn't keep shoving it all down and holding it there, a spectre from his past slowly wearing away at his resolve.

"A monster? Daniil, we're all monsters in our own right. Your mother, my mother, my father, your aunt and uncle, me." He raked his claws through his headfur again, shaking his head hard. "Nobeast gets out of this place without it tainting their soul in some way. I was almost out the first time I met your mother. I was just a kit on my mother's vessel when we were apprehended by the Hide as we were leaving Imperial waters. Your mother was Captain of the Hide then."

The jack let that sit for a moment, trying and failing to collect himself. Tears began to fall down his cheeks, and he removed his glasses, expression one of agonized turmoil. "Just because a beast loves another does not keep them from doing monstrous things. Sometimes love is what drives us to do our worst. I've done horrendous things for love, things that haunt me to this day that I will never forgive myself for, and I'm sure you would never forgive me them. That's why I can't marry you. There's just too much between us, too much that you don't know. You hold beasts in a fantasy--me, your mother, Sken--and see us for only parts of what we are, the parts that you want to adore because anything else hurts you too much."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil looked at stunned as if he'd been slapped. His paw was gripping tight the hilt of Requiem, seemingly not in anger but in a desperate bit for any sense of security. "She wasn't Armina, Caden!" Daniil pleaded, his tone now more desperate. "Your mother wasn't a monster, and you aren't a murderer! What you did to the beasts who killed Einar, who hurt Asta, that was the act of a good beast in a bad world! Please, I love you, no matter what you've done. Not everyone's as bad as the worst thing someone says of them, and certainly not you!"

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

"You think that the first time I did something horrible to other beasts was when Einar was murdered?" Caden held up a paw, fingers open. "I was five years old the first time I killed a beast. I don't even remember why, honestly. It doesn't matter. It was too easy for me. The way my mother raised me, the things I saw her do, it made being the kind of beast I became such a simple thing. Once Sken died when I was eight, it was too easy to find somebeast to blame. Anithias got to me and knew exactly what he needed to say and do to point my rage at the loss of my mother in a direction that was useful to him."

Caden's voice had dropped low, and he spoke in monotone, as though the words were being pulled out of him by some unseen force. Somewhere, parts of him watched in horror, unable to do anything as he uttered the truths he had kept buried for so long.

"Vaelora was Armina Rogue, Daniil. Don't ask me how they fixed her, made her into Vaelora, the beast you knew as your mother. The Ryalors are resourceful, if nothing else." He looked down at his paws. "Anithias set me upon her. He gave me the knife, told me how to get in, told me she was to blame for my mother's death, and that if I wanted revenge, I should cut her down and those she loved. It was simple. It was too easy, given who I am, what I had been made into. I can tell you it was quick, at least. I knew my business with a blade. I'm just glad..." he paused, voice catching, and he looked Daniil in the eye. "I'm just glad I didn't finish with the plan and kill the three beasts she loved most."

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil was struck dumb. He listened, numbness spreading over him, as his lover said words that his brain desperately rejected as impossible. The tears started to flow down his cheeks, and his voice cracked as he weakly responded. "Wh... Why are you saying these things? I don't understand, why do you want to hurt me so much? I really thought you loved me. What did I do?" His brain refused, categorically, to accept the pain being lobbied at him as the truth, resorting to denial for self-protection.

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Something inside Caden snapped. He snarled and took a step forward towards his partner, ears flattened as his voice rose in volume. "By the 'Gates, Daniil, are you hearing what I'm saying? I don't want to hurt you, I've been trying not to this entire time, trying to keep you safe from--from everything because you're still just a kit lost without his mother. I do love you, but I killed her. I killed your mother, and I would do anything to take it back, but I can't, so do with it what you will."

He was shouting now. All his tears were gone, unable to feel anything other than that horrible, giddy, addicting, terrifying rage that had propelled him for so many years and kept him alive for so long through the worst years of his life. Caden could not suppress any longer that which had been building ever since he set footpaw on Imperial soil once more. He let out a strangled yell and kicked the picnic basket, scattering its contents across the tent and into the todd.

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil stumbled back, wide-eyed, actual fear in the set of his footpaws and the trembling of his grip on his mother's blade. He stared at Caden, tears now staining his cheeks with glistening trails. "Caden, you... You..." He seemed lost for words, the ring box falling from his paw, forgotten, onto the blankets beneath their footpaws. His impulse to fight or flee finally kicked in, and as he ran from the tent, he bumped into one of the supporting pillars, making the entire tent shake dangerously as he fled for the harbor, sobbing the entire time.

He didn't stop until he reached the end of the Imperial Jetty, gasping for breath between heaving sobs that soon had him dry heaving over the water. He leaned upon one of the posts for support, losing himself to the sobs as his world burnt down around him. He couldn't go home; he couldn't go back to Caden, couldn't even bear looking at him again. The things he'd said, the way he'd said them... Daniil choked out a little bit of spittle, which fell awkwardly across his chin, and he rubbed at his face, a dark, glistening smear left on his sleeve as he reckoned, for the first time in years, with how utterly alone he truly was.

 

[Caden S. Freemont]

Caden seethed, watching Daniil run from the tent. His paws clenched and unclenched and his heart raced in his chest. He yelled incoherently and picked up his sheathed sword and sword belt, throwing it hard into the tent support. Pacing back and forth in the small space, Caden tangled his fingers in his headfur, pulling at it as he breathed rapidly through clenched teeth. His thoughts spun, unable to follow any particular thread. The look of fear on Daniil's face cut through him like a knife.

His boot kicked the ring box, and Caden stared down at it. He turned away, picking up his sword and belt, strapping it back on around his waist. As he made to leave, the marten stopped. There was a ringing in his ears, and he shook his head. He turned back, stooping to pick up the box and pocketing it. Then he strode out and away, watching Daniil's distant form turn for the docks. Caden went the other way, deep into Bully towards the Bilge.

 

[Tanya Keltoi]

Working nights had ceased to be Tanya’s preferred office hours. As a youth she had spent many an evening beside candle or lantern learning her craft – whether that be the art of writing itself or the making of reports – bolstered by tot after tot of rum and the steady rumble of ocean waves to soothe frustrations. Nowadays the lower light made reading increasingly difficult, and the allure of getting a night’s sleep had become increasingly difficult to ignore. Meetings or inspections would serve her just fine at this hour, but unless the matter was pressing, she had begun to lower her pen along with the sunset.

That evening had been predictable as far as her new routine went: nothing needed to be rushed, papers could wait for dawn, and she could leave the offices content that all which remained was to have a chat with the master of a vessel currently berthed at the Imperial Jetty. It was here, coat collar pulled up against vagrant evening breezes, that she had been trotting when her eyes caught a figure at the end, clinging to one of the posts.

At first she had taken them for a drunk, the way they seemed to be hunched retching into the water (been there, mate), but on drawing closer something felt familiar. Rarely did Tanya ignore her gut, and flagging down one of the youngsters still working she had her delay passed on to the vessel’s master before heading on towards the lone figure.

“Daniil?” Whether it was shock or incredulity in her voice was unclear, but concern had immediately stamped itself upon her features when tear tracks became evident. She bustled over to the younger todd at once, workworn paws on his shoulders as she sought to meet his eyes. “Here now, what’s goin’ on, love?” She gave him a wan smile. “I know the seaweed can stink a bit round ‘ere from time to time but it can’t be that bad, eh? What’s up with you?”

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil's eyes widened when he turned and saw Tanya, his mother's aunt, as she'd introduced herself. Suddenly he remembered her odd demeanor about the topic of Vaelora when he and Caden had met her at the Ministry of War, and Caden's shouted claims suddenly took on a new, more sinister light. "W-was..." He gasped for air, finding it had to breathe through the sobs wracking his chest. "Was she really Ar-m-mina Rogue? Was m-my mother a murderer?"

 

[Tanya Keltoi]

Of all the answers she could have conceived to the question, what Daniil responded with had not occurred. The question struck her like a physical blow; immediately Tanya chastened herself for such stupidity, to think that he would never make any connections. One had to wonder what had slipped and why, but she couldn’t blame him. She’d been on the warpath for answers not that long past. How ridiculous, after all of that, to be on this side of the issue.

You must have had a reason for never telling him when you were alive.

Schooling her expression at once to something softer (though the look of shock had been plain in the moment), she gripped Danill’s shoulder tighter, not to cause harm but to try and offer something for the todd to focus on. “Mos’ like to start with ‘hello’,” she began, somewhat lamely. A sharp inhale brought her back to the present. “You need to get your breathin’ back under control, first, so come on – take a seat ‘ere on the dock with me and catch your breath. We can talk. What’s brought all this about, eh?”

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil rubbed at his cheek with his paw, trying to clear away some of the tears and mussing his fur in the process. There was a moment where it seemed like he might press the question, but instead he came over and sat next to Tanya. "Caden, he... He said some horrible things to me," he mumbled. "He said that my mother had really been Armina. He said that he... That he killed her. That he was going to kill us too, me, Mileya, Valin but he didn't." Daniil shook his head, wide-eyed. "Why would he lie and say something so horrible? I loved him. I still loved him. I thought he wanted me to marry him, not... Not this."

 

[Tanya Keltoi]

With a grunt Tanya settled herself on the dock and straightened her back. With the Imperial Jetty so quiet this time of night there was little need to concern herself with propriety (as though she ever did), and so she let her legs dangle over the edge of the boards to swing them in a kitlike manner far unaccustomed to one of her age and rank. It helped steady her own nerves, simmering beneath the surface with increasing unease.

If Daniil’s first words had hit her like a blow, the next came as though a brick to the face. Gears visibly ground to a halt as she tried to process his words, but it was too large a revelation for the moment. She felt hot and sick; the anger grief had left her with began to bubble and roil once more in her gut, but despair blanketed the flames.

“Oh sweetheart, c’mere,” At once Tanya threw an arm about the todd’s shoulders, pulling him closer in a maternal embrace. It helped to shield her own countenance from his view; glassy, burning eyes bored into the lights of the harbour across the water. All she could see for a moment was Caden’s little face when he had been a kit.

Not Caden. Perhaps this was a distortion, something he’d spat at his lover in an attempt to push him away for whatever reasons he held. She’d certainly known beasts to do similar; to lie and speak untruths in a misguided attempt to protect those they had loved. Safety at a distance.

Her mind repeated the mantra that this had to be the answer. Her gut was piecing together some of his earlier behaviours, beginning to suspect.

“Let’s…let’s take this all one at a time. I don’t have all the answers for you tonight, Daniil,” by ‘Gates I’m going to get them, though, “but I can tell you what I know.” This was as much damage control as it was her guilt: so much had come of the consequences of lying that she was loath to play more part than she needed to. Had she the capacity, she’d have wondered what to do with Mina Rose: that was not for tonight. “I left the Imperium…decades ago. Forget the number. Long time. Back then Armina Rogue was the beast I knew. My niece. She weren’t some monster like they say she became. She was a girl tryin’ her best to make sense of a world against her. Too much pressure on her shoulders an’ some pretty lacklustre guidance on my part.” The older fox took a slow breath. “When I came back to these shores last year, it’d been a hope to catch up with her. The news I was told…well, long an’ short is she needed help badly, an’ that help came by takin’ on herself a new life an’ a new identity as Vaelora Ryalor. She deserved a peaceful life an’ by most accounts she found that for a spell.”

Her opinions on the matter sat at the tip of her tongue; Tanya had to speak fast so as not to blurt much of them. “If you hear nothin’ else of what we speak of Daniil, listen to this: I wasn’t there for what happened, I can’t tell you with certainty what’s true. Knowin’ the Ryalors it’s always a toss-up. What I can tell you is this: from what I’ve heard there was never doubt that Vaelora adored you an’ your siblin’s. If Armina is Vaelora, that same fox loved you more’n life itself. I can guarantee it.”

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil froze as Tanya's words sunk in, a bitter truth caked in sugar to try to make it palatable. His mind flashed suddenly to a half-remembered moment when he, his siblings, and Vaelora had been walking by a tavern when Daniil had noticed a wanted poster in it. "Lorie," he'd said, pointing, "she looks like you, but... angry." He'd only seen Vaelora angry once, when some woman at a party had said something about 'having her own kits.' Daniil could still practically feel the heat that had radiated from her eyes when she had declared that Daniil and his siblings were her kits.

Outside the tavern, Vaelora had slowed, staring at the poster. The vixen in it was shaded in dark colors, and there was something feral about that face, a slathering about the jaws, which gave Daniil a fright. Vaelora had tightened her grip on his and Mileya's paws while Valin, walking ahead, turned around to see what the pause was about. "Maybe ve look a little similar," she'd allowed, "but I tink zat is all. I 'ope zat poor wixen found some peace."

"She's dead?" Daniil had inquired, glancing up at the poster, then to Vaelora.

His adoptive mother had smiled a bit bitterly. "Yes," she confirmed, "she is dead, and she is newer coming back. Now, vhy don't ve stop by ze candy apple cart for a treat?"

She couldn't be Armina Rogue. Daniil's mind couldn't reconcile it. And yet there was no lie in Tanya's voice, only a gentle apology. He pulled back from her hug, looking at her in shock. "Then... Then everything Mayor Freedom said about her was true?" he whispered. "Then she really did deserve to die?" He felt like his world was spiraling. Caden had said that he'd been told to kill Daniil and his siblings as well. Did he deserve to die as well? Were the sins of the mother visited upon her kit as well? Caden had said he regretted the act, but if she'd been the monster everyone said she was...

No. She couldn't be. That Armina Rogue, the one on wanted posters, wasn't the girl that Tanya talked about, and certainly wasn't the kind, funny, devoted mother he'd known. There had to be some other explanation, some misunderstanding that made everyone villianize her. Yes, that had to be it; Mayor Freedom had made up stories about Armina Rogue, so she had changed her name, only the Mayor had seen through it and come after her still. Yes, that seemed plausible enough. Still, there was something nauseous in Daniil's gut, something that told him there were answers yet that he wouldn't like.

 

[Tanya Keltoi]

Focusing on Daniil’s distress was, perversely, balm to the vixen. It was enough to temper the pain and anger and confusion, the blood rushing in her ears; enough to stem impulse for now to go track down several beasts and begin interrogating. Not that this wasn’t still to happen, of course, but she would be doing so with a (slightly) clearer head. Potentially more planning. Tempting though it was to get on the warpath, maternal instinct won out: she couldn’t abandon Daniil with so much unanswered.

“No.” The answer was immediate, unflinching in its conviction. “She didn’t deserve to die. She deserved help. I wasn’t there for what happened, I ain’t excusin’ whatever damage she’d done, but I can’t see as how it wasn’t a cry of pain rather’n malice. Becoming Vaelora sounds like it was the best help they could give her. She always had a lot against her and Mayor Freedom…” A snort. “I had to wrestle guardianship of Armina off of him. He never had her interests at heart. I’d not cling to his tales too tight.

“Armina shouldn’t have died – shouldn’t have had to – but know what?” Tanya gave a tilt of the head, burning eyes flitting to the grey todd as she pulled a wry expression. “I don’t think she’d see it that way. I think she’d reason that becoming Vaelora gave her the gift of raising you and your siblings and she’d have throttled Armina Rogue ten times over for the privilege.”

 

[Daniil Ryalor]

Daniil broke down at that. He leaned over to Tanya and started sobbing into her shoulder like a kit finding out not that Sandy Paws wasn't real, but that papa had left the fireplace burning and roasted him alive in the flue. It was a minute before he was consolable enough to even speak. "He did it, didn't he? Caden really killed her. 'Gates, Tanya, I slept with him! All my things are in his house, I don't even have a change of clothes." His eyes widened, and he exclaimed, "The knife! The one that killed her! I gave it to him for safekeeping! How could I be so stupid?" he beat his forehead with his paw, as if trying to smack some sense into it. "What do I do, Tanya? I don't think I can even look at him right now."