Expedition Private The Urk Expedition: A Chat Between Foxes

[SwifttailTheFox]

Swifttail’s ears sagged, and his shoulders seemed to fold inward at the Minister’s words. Despite the praise, he looked down at his own paws as though he were a scolded kit avoiding his master’s eyes. He nursed another sip of rum before answering, voice quieter now.

"Aye… it was the first." He gave a small shake of his head, ears flicking. "I lost count how many, but I’d never spilled a beast’s blood... Never sent a beast to the dark forest before...Urk."

He shuddered, the memory catching in his throat. "I keep tellin’ meself they were savage, bloodthirsty monsters... That it was us or them. But…" He trailed off, curling his claws against the rim of the crystal glass.

"...It feels… hollow."

 

[Talinn Ryalor]

Talinn carefully listened to the other todd’s feelings, watching his expression carefully. It was a conversation he had hundreds, perhaps thousands, of times over the course of his life, but it was one of the things that he took seriously. The first time that one took a life, and how one felt about it, it should always be regarded with dignity. He let the platinum fox express himself, and then spoke in a surprisingly calm, comforting tone.

“Lift your eyes, son.” He spoke softly, encouraging the young beast, no, soldier now, to look up at him. “This happens to everyone their first time. There’s no shame in it, and never let anybeast say so.”

He paused to catch his breath, and to remember his first kill.

“My first time…I was sixteen, still the equivalent of a squire, still a kit...we were fighting back on Westile Alexei, I, and a small group of retainers still loyal to us. This todd, around my age, came running at me, hoping to end our line and secure his name in the history books with a single swing of his blade. He was not expecting me to parry it, and then end his life with a counter-rispote to the throat.”

Talinn paused, his expression distant for a moment, as if remembering that very moment, before he returned to the room he was in, and he spoke.

“They do not tell you how it feels in the stories, or in the songs. I was so shaken, I could not draw my blade for the rest of the day, even clean it. I was not me anymore, I felt I would never be me again. But then, I woke up, the next morning, and, I was still me. I cleaned the blade, ate, talked, trained...and then I realized, it was me all along, I just did not know.”

He continued.

“You do not need to demonize them, Fairpaws. At the end of the day, it is you, and them, both desperately trying to stay alive, whatever the reasons for the fight are. Neither you nor they had a choice. It was kill or be killed. It is the same in every battle. You want to go home, see your mates, see those you care about...you do what you have to do.”

He let that drag out for a moment.

“You can even feel sorry for them, if that is what you want. I am sure, in their way, they had family, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers. That is why when you kill as a soldier, which you are now, you do it as quickly and painlessly as possible. You did what you had to do, and that is that.”

@Kaii Nashirou @Silvertongue Songfox @SwifttailTheFox

 

[SwifttailTheFox]

Swifttail met the Duke’s gaze again, ears tipped back, but he didn’t look away this time. He rolled the rum in his glass once before speaking.

"With respect, sir… it don’t weigh on me the way it might if they’d been Imperium beasts. The shrews weren’t reasoned. They weren’t fightin’ for anythin’ but blood. I don’t lose sleep over sendin’ them to the Dark Forest."

He gave a faint shake of his head, fur bristling at the memory.

"What does stick with me is how it felt. There were so many, it was like bein’ swallowed whole. I loosed arrow after arrow till my quiver near ran dry, and still they kept comin’. When I tripped and broke me paw, I tried to hold a blade, but by then it was all blur. That’s the part I can’t shake... not the killin’ itself, but how close we all came to bein’ cut down anyway."

 

[Talinn Ryalor]

Internally, Talinn was a bit surprised that the engineer’s mate was handling his first experience killing so well, given his nature, but he supposed it was reasonable enough given the situation that they had found themselves in. The shrews had attacked without provocation and had been vicious little bastards. Self-defense was the lightest burden on one’s conscious, after all, all things considered. Even still, many beasts still found it hard to cope with-perhaps Mr. Fairpaws made of harder stuff than he had given him credit for.

In truth, there is much I do not know about his history, and likely never will.

He gave another firm nod towards Swift, thinking for a bit before he spoke.

“That is the most common experience, especially for beasts who had never served, that anxiety and fear of death, even for those who have had much more experience than you, though they are better at controlling and masking it. There are other feelings that come up as well, and some beasts even feel excitement instead…”

He thought of his youngest daughter for a moment, then forced himself back to the conversation.

“...but overall, fear, rage, stress, panic are the more common ones, especially for newer soldiers. As you fight in more battles, you will handle all of those better. As for the fear of death, that, too, is reasonable. In truth, even with the best armor, the best weapons, and the most favorable conditions, there is always a chance that you will die in battle-it is, ultimately, organized chaos, and while there are things you can do to stack the odds in your favor, an errant arrow, spear, sword thrust, or even a rock could lead to death.”

He paused to catch his breath and think.

“The battle we found ourselves in, however, was on the worse end of things, and most engagements will not be so dire. Still, in Westisle and Fyador, one of the earliest lessons warriors learn is to accept the fact that we are all dying in some way, and thus, to see beauty in the simplest of things in the time we have, from every piece of food you eat, to every moment you share with a friend, to appreciate life in every breath. Now that the battle is over, and that you still live, do that, Mr. Fairpaws, seek solace with your comrades, for they are that now, beasts who you share a battle bond with, enjoy what is it you do in your free time, and, if there is anyone close to your heart, spend time with them. In doing so, those feelings of yours will fade.”

@SwifttailTheFox

 

[SwifttailTheFox]

Swifttail let the Minister’s words linger a while before answering, ears twitching slightly. He tipped back the last sip of rum and set the glass down carefully, as if the weight of it still meant something.

"Aye… easier said than done, sir. But I’ll try. Reckon you’re right... Food tastes better, air feels cleaner, even after breathin’ all that smoke. Makes a beast notice things more than he used to."

His tail gave the faintest wag as he glanced down, almost shy.

"An’ I’ll admit… havin’ mates now, proper comrades, that’s made it easier. Hard times don’t cut as deep when you’re sharin’ ‘em. Even after the fightin’, laughin’ with Finny or workin’ beside Kaii… it helps. It really feels like I belong."

He drew a breath, steadying.

"So aye… I’ll take your words to heart, sir. We came close, but we’re still breathin’. I’ll do my best to make it count."

 

[Talinn Ryalor]

Talinn studied Swifttail intensely as he took in the words, and, when the platinum fox’s tail began to wag and his voice became more steady, he nodded slightly. He had been worried about him, but, it seemed like he was going to be fine, especially with the comfort of his comrades in arms. Ah, to be young again, with such friendships...most of those relationships from his time had died, or, were quite strained. Even his own family relations were...difficult...at the best of times.

But maybe, just maybe, you can become a mentor to these younger beasts. To try to guide them away from your own follies and mistakes.

He let Fairpaws finish up his glass of rum, before speaking once more, tone nostalgic and softer for a moment.

“See to it that you do, Seabeast Fairpaws, see to it to that you do.”

He paused, then gave him a nod.

“If you could send in Silvertongue, we have much to discuss.”

@SwifttailTheFox @Silvertongue Songfox @Kaii Nashirou

 

[SwifttailTheFox]

Swifttail rose, bowing his head politely to the bed-ridden fox.

"Thank ye, sir," he said quietly, his voice carrying both respect and gratitude for the time and counsel.

The sting of Urk still lingered sharp in his chest, but it didn’t feel quite so heavy now. He had comrades to lean on, and he’d be there for them in turn.

He set the empty glass gently on the table, then turned and padded out, easing the door shut behind him. The corridor seemed brighter after the dim hush of the Duke’s quarters.

It didn’t take him long to spot Silvertongue waiting nearby. Swifttail’s ears flicked, and with a faint, weary grin he crossed over.

"He’s all yours, mate," he said, voice carrying a touch of levity despite the tiredness in his eyes. "Says he’s got a lot t’ discuss, but he seems in a fair mood… just worn down. Gates, what he’s been through…"

As he passed, Swifttail lifted a paw to Silvertongue’s shoulder in quiet acknowledgement, giving it a small squeeze before moving off down back to his post in the Hide's engine room.

@Silvertongue Songfox

 

[Silvertongue Songfox]

Silvertongue nodded, a bit confused. Talinn wanted to talk to him now? About what? A lot to discuss? Oh gods. He swallowed his nerves and walked into the cabin, holding his hat to his chest as he approached. "You... you asked to see me, sir?"