THIS MANUAL IS FOR THE EYES OF INDIVIDUALS WITH M.A.U.L. CLEARANCE OD-1 OR HIGHER. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THIS CLEARANCE LEVEL, PLEASE TURN OVER THIS BOOK AND YOURSELF TO THE CUSTODY OF THE MINISTRY OF MISANTHROPY AT YOUR NEAREST FIELD OFFICE.
The first matter one must understand about the Occult, broadly speaking, is that we understand virtually nothing about it. In the vast, untrammeled wilderness that is the Weirdness Beyond Worlds, we have barely stepped one footpaw off the well-trodden trail that is reality as we understand it. Therefore even the most exhaustive compendium of all eldritch knowledge is, and shall ever be, woefully incomplete. There is also the irony that, the more comprehensive the volume, the greater a risk it poses to the sanity of the reader. Indeed, perhaps the Nomonomicon, the most complete and devious volume of Forbidden Knowledge ever inked, was once intended to be a helpful guide for the edification of its readers. In the interest of not breaking the mind of every new recruit to Occult Division, I will therefore keep this explanation simple.
The Unknown Ones
The ones we call the Unknown Ones aren't exactly unknown in that we know nothing about them. We actually know enough to identify quite a few of them, although any reasonable estimate would put the sum total of catalogued and named Unknown Ones at perhaps an infinitesimally small fraction of their total number (which may in fact be infinite). It is more accurate to call them Unknowable in that their nature is impossible for us mere mortals to comprehend, in the same way that a fly, staring at a prism catching the sunlight, cannot understand the kaleidoscope of color emitted from it, only bask in its radiance - at least until it is incinerated by the concentrated heat of the light. Reflect upon that analogy for a moment and let the risks inherent in our work properly weigh upon you before reading further.
While many amateur occultists are given to treat the Unknown Ones as alien and dangerous (which, to be clear, they absolutely are), many of these Unknown Ones are quite present in our reality as we know it, to the point of being part of the fabric of our society. Indeed, many of the archetypal costumes one finds at such events as masquerades and the holiday of Costumenach are, in fact, representations of various Unknown Ones, as well as methods of channeling their spirits and energy for a time. In most cases this is relatively harmless and sometimes even productive in satisfying and pacifying the Unknown Ones. Many of our mortal societies even incorporate certain Unknown Ones into their political structure; for example, our current Empress, and all of the Emperors preceding Her, are in fact avatars of the Unknown One known as the Golden Solar Fox, the current Ascendant of the Third Manse (more on that later).
Most often the truly dangerous Unknown Ones are the ones that are, well, unknown. Occult Division, in particular our brilliant researchers and analysts in the Office of Rites and Countermeasures, has devoted significant effort to developing rituals to satisfy and pacify the many Unknown Ones that have been encountered to date, making the task of subduing these eldritch forces, if not easy, then at least somewhat routine. For the many Unknown Ones for which we lack any context or experience, however, we are thoroughly operating in the dark, attempting to perform surgery on a beast we cannot see using a reference manual written in black ink on black pages. Needless to say such encounters often have very bloody endings. If you encounter any of these truly Unknown Ones, I can only say 'Gates help you.
The Slightly-Less-Unknown Ones:
The Golden Solar Fox: Current Ascendant of the Third Manse, the Golden Solar Fox is a consummate trickster, their warmth providing illumination while also blinding those in their light to reality. Under their gaze, chaos is mistaken for order, and madness takes on the guise of morality. Indeed, much of the Imperium's unique characteristics - its constant infighting, the high rates of insanity, the seemingly implausible nature of common events - can best be explained as the influence of the Golden Solar Fox at work. All the world's a stage, and all its beasts are fools dancing for the Fox's amusement while they toss peanut shells on stage just to see who will slip and fall. Note: there is considerable debate as to whether the 'Kitsune' goddess commonly worshipped in Fyador is an extension of the Solar Fox. This gets into matters of metaphysics that are best ignored. Our work is complicated enough without dragging potential divinity into the mess.
The Phoenix: Current Ascendant of the Eighth Manse, the Phoenix is an avatar of violent rebirth. Long cycles of upheaval and prosperity dominate the lands under their influence, often rising to a fever pitch that, with their 'death', begins a period of chaos that begins the cycle of renewal once more. The chaos of the rebirth period in the Phoenix-dominated society, interestingly enough, seems to be offset by the remarkable stability of its renewal period.
The Dancing Lord: Master of the Court of Chaos, an informal coalition, or perhaps festivity, of Unknown Ones that appear, based upon our limited understanding, to be dedicated to the premise that reality is all one massive party. This sounds like a delightful proposition until they show up at your door unannounced on a Tuesday afternoon and don't leave until the next Sunday morning, by which point all your furniture is draped in discarded togas, the outhouse is trashed to the point of being flattened, and someone has eaten all of the snacks out of your cupboards. Satisfying this Unknown One and his retinue requires a very careful balance of partying, one designed to be just the right amount of 'turnt', as the youths say, to leave them satisfied.
It With Far Too Many Tentacles: Dwelling in the deep oceans, this Unknown One is among the more deadly and violent of the number known to us, and the most difficult to control. We count ourselves lucky that, being on land, interaction with this Unknown One is relatively rare; at most, the sudden and inexplicable disappearance of marine vessels can be attributed to its influence, though this is largely speculative. All that we truly know of It With Far Too Many Tentacles is that It is endlessly hungry, while also seeming to crave a certain amount of variety in its diet to keep things fresh. Perhaps it regularly roams around the world, seeking fresh variations for its buffet. Note: thanks to the archives recovered from Tatanalan-That-Never-Was, we do know the true name of this Unknown One. It is never to be spoken aloud, as doing so would summon It and quite quickly render us as 'The Vulpine Imperium-That-Never-Was' (plus, to be honest, it's almost completely unpronounceable).
The Silent Harbinger: This Unknown One is largely known in its influence over beasts who don its likeness, that being a mask wrought from iron. It is believed that the old Verfolger cult were dedicated, or at least directly influenced by, the Silent Harbinger during a period when it was Ascendant in the Fourth Manse. Adherents, vessels, and avatars of the Silent Harbinger frequently speak of or mutter to themselves blasphemous, incomprehensible truths that sound like madness to all ears but their own, repeating what is whispered in their ear by the masks that cover them. While they have a reputation for intense, even excessive, violence in service of their master, it is not indiscriminate; they operate as components of some great plan of an incomprehensible design, preparing the path for something else that is yet to follow. While we have no proof in the matter, I am quite convinced that whatever will follow in the Silent Harbinger's wake will be very unpleasant for a great number of beasts to experience.
There are, of course, infinitely more Unknown Ones, the known significantly less infinite than the truly unknown, but we lack the parchment and ink to describe them here. Please inquire with me directly at my office in the Research Department, or with one of my reference librarian assistants, should you wish to learn more about any particular Unknown One.
The Manses
The Manses are spheres of influence within our mortal world in which particular Unknown Ones, or sets thereof, have outsized influence upon its residents, geography, history, and physical stability. Sometimes they have been compared to kingdoms (and, indeed, many are in mortal terms), but this misapprehends the Unknown Ones as ruling within them, as opposed to simply dwelling, or perhaps more accurately abiding. To date, the most popular consensus among occultists is that there are nine manses at current, though some historical sources indicate that there were once more manses, and there may one day be more again (and, indeed, there might already be). The numbers assigned to each manse are largely arbitrary and inconsistent between sources; for this I will default to the system used by the Deathless Sages of Tatanalan-That-Never-Was.
The First Manse: Current physical location unknown. Perhaps egotistically, the sages of Tatanalan-That-Never-Was assigned themselves as the First Manse in their accounting, attributing it to the influence of Ascendant Hours. When the Hours broke and scattered to the equal horizons, Tatanalan ceased to be or have ever been the First Manse, leaving behind only scattered records that survived the Unmaking. Occultists debate whether or not the First Manse can or will reform while the Hours remain divided.
The Second Manse: Believed to be located somewhere on the Mahsterious Sahthern Cahntinent. Under the influence of the Warrior Mouse, the Second Manse is said to be a land in which strength is hidden within the hearts of its every resident. A few scattered records of attempts to invade the Second Manse indicate that many warlords mistook the quaintness of its villages and structures to indicate a simple, easily subdued people, only to be shocked, horrified, and/or slaughtered by the sheer resistance mounted to any infringement upon their domain. Among Occultists these days, it is well understood that to intrude upon the Second Manse is to court death, and most learned advisors do their best to steer their lords well away from such foolish pursuits.
The Third Manse: Currently in the Vulpine Imperium. The Third Manse, under the influence of the Golden Solar Fox, has always been characterized by a certain amount of chaos existing within a surprisingly stable balance. Usually this takes the form of pitting numerous interest groups and arms of the government against each other, keeping the populace in a constant roil of back-biting and acrimony. While one would expect that this would make the Third Manse fragile and prone to invasion or collapse, it has actually shown itself to be highly resilient and powerfully resistant to external influence.
The Fourth Manse: Last known to be in Raul, the small island off the west coast of the Varangian continent. The Fourth Manse is a land of secrets and whispers, where the fog obscures and bends reality into shadow. Secret societies flourish in the Fourth Manse, its reach trailing after them as they creep into the other manses. Violence is expected, not as an outburst of emotion, but as a show of devotion or as a pragmatic tool for the advancement of the Manse. Those under the influence of the Fourth Manse and its enigmatic Ascendant, the Silent Harbinger, show remarkable devotion even far from the Manse, indicating it is perhaps more transitive than previously understood.
The Fifth Manse: Currently in Akef, my own homeland. The Fifth Manse, under the influence of the Ten-Sided Scale, is a land of intense transactionality, in which debts are remembered with precision and carefully weighed against obligations and repayments. Society operates on a highly complex system of reputation and trust, with those who have the most proven record of honoring their deals able to broker arrangements even on behalf of other parties, which are then honored in turn. In the Fifth Manse, the value of one's agreement is paramount, and deliberate deception is an economic (and sometimes literal) death sentence.
The Sixth Manse: Currently in Hanshima. The Sixth Manse, under the influence of the Shattered Blade, is a land of intense strife between fragmented groups, constantly colliding, merging, and reforging themselves anew. Clans and factions bind themselves together under the will of a single leader, then shatter again when that paw falters, only reforging when a strong paw seizes it by the hilt once more.
The Seventh Manse: Currently in Felmar. The Seventh Manse, under the influence of its Ascendant, the Woeful Stalker, is a land of grim contradictions. A constant gloom infects the spirits of its peoples, a sense of dark foreboding and malaise that inflicts a certain fatalism in the spirit. The Woeful Stalker whispers into the soul that all is doomed, that ambition is futile, and that only a lucky few will be remembered a few years past their death, and even then, it will only be thanks to luck rather than any true skill of their own. Power is its own reward in this ethos, but it brings no comfort or assurances; worthiness is ultimately beyond anyone's control or determination, and to have not tried at all is regarded as safer than to try and fail.
The Eighth Manse: Currently in the Land of Phoenixes, aptly named for its Ascendant, the Phoenix. Recent history indicates that the Phoenix has manifested in dualistic entities, the Red and Blue Phoenixes, called Tletototl and Setototl in the local parlance. This is a split from the Unwritten Histories as encoded upon the Mirror of a Million Feathers, and perhaps indicates that the Phoenix is attempting to prolong or circumvent the Chaos period of its cycle altogether. The success of this is yet to be determined. When in a Chaos period, the Eighth Manse is a land of fierce infighting; when the Chaos ebbs and Restoration begins, the land flourishes anew, often with bounteous harvests that put all other nations to shame.
The Ninth Manse: Current location unknown, though leading theories point to either Alkamar or Fyador. The Ninth Manse, under the influence of its Ascendant the Bifurcated Beast, is a land of intense contradictions and divisions. Prone to tumultuous periods of unrest and reinvention of its own identity, the Ninth Manse is defined by an intense split within its denizens that requires violent 'breaks' in which the worst instincts of the beasts therein prevail, striking out in blood and terror, before a new identity forms and takes over once more. The Ninth Manse is known for being powerful, dangerous, and unpredictable in the canny madness that infests it.
What Is Unsaid
As mentioned above, this is merely a small fraction of the vagaries that constitute the Unwritten Histories, and, like all things, it is quite possibly entirely incorrect. Our very understanding of the Unknown Ones, the Manses, and the Weirdness could ultimately be proven to be nothing more than our own feverish hallucinations projected upon a reality that does not care to comport itself in any way that conforms to our pattern of understanding. This contradiction, this risk of all of our learning being utterly meaningless, is the hardest aspect of the job for any Occult Division member to accept, but ultimately the one that must be embraced in order to grow. It is a radical act of acceptance to recognize that all of one's studies, one's very life's work, might prove to be meaningless, and to proceed accordingly. My hope is that, by sharing even a fraction of my own understanding, you will be better prepared for the reality (or lack thereof) that awaits you out there.
The first matter one must understand about the Occult, broadly speaking, is that we understand virtually nothing about it. In the vast, untrammeled wilderness that is the Weirdness Beyond Worlds, we have barely stepped one footpaw off the well-trodden trail that is reality as we understand it. Therefore even the most exhaustive compendium of all eldritch knowledge is, and shall ever be, woefully incomplete. There is also the irony that, the more comprehensive the volume, the greater a risk it poses to the sanity of the reader. Indeed, perhaps the Nomonomicon, the most complete and devious volume of Forbidden Knowledge ever inked, was once intended to be a helpful guide for the edification of its readers. In the interest of not breaking the mind of every new recruit to Occult Division, I will therefore keep this explanation simple.
The Unknown Ones
The ones we call the Unknown Ones aren't exactly unknown in that we know nothing about them. We actually know enough to identify quite a few of them, although any reasonable estimate would put the sum total of catalogued and named Unknown Ones at perhaps an infinitesimally small fraction of their total number (which may in fact be infinite). It is more accurate to call them Unknowable in that their nature is impossible for us mere mortals to comprehend, in the same way that a fly, staring at a prism catching the sunlight, cannot understand the kaleidoscope of color emitted from it, only bask in its radiance - at least until it is incinerated by the concentrated heat of the light. Reflect upon that analogy for a moment and let the risks inherent in our work properly weigh upon you before reading further.
While many amateur occultists are given to treat the Unknown Ones as alien and dangerous (which, to be clear, they absolutely are), many of these Unknown Ones are quite present in our reality as we know it, to the point of being part of the fabric of our society. Indeed, many of the archetypal costumes one finds at such events as masquerades and the holiday of Costumenach are, in fact, representations of various Unknown Ones, as well as methods of channeling their spirits and energy for a time. In most cases this is relatively harmless and sometimes even productive in satisfying and pacifying the Unknown Ones. Many of our mortal societies even incorporate certain Unknown Ones into their political structure; for example, our current Empress, and all of the Emperors preceding Her, are in fact avatars of the Unknown One known as the Golden Solar Fox, the current Ascendant of the Third Manse (more on that later).
Most often the truly dangerous Unknown Ones are the ones that are, well, unknown. Occult Division, in particular our brilliant researchers and analysts in the Office of Rites and Countermeasures, has devoted significant effort to developing rituals to satisfy and pacify the many Unknown Ones that have been encountered to date, making the task of subduing these eldritch forces, if not easy, then at least somewhat routine. For the many Unknown Ones for which we lack any context or experience, however, we are thoroughly operating in the dark, attempting to perform surgery on a beast we cannot see using a reference manual written in black ink on black pages. Needless to say such encounters often have very bloody endings. If you encounter any of these truly Unknown Ones, I can only say 'Gates help you.
The Slightly-Less-Unknown Ones:
The Golden Solar Fox: Current Ascendant of the Third Manse, the Golden Solar Fox is a consummate trickster, their warmth providing illumination while also blinding those in their light to reality. Under their gaze, chaos is mistaken for order, and madness takes on the guise of morality. Indeed, much of the Imperium's unique characteristics - its constant infighting, the high rates of insanity, the seemingly implausible nature of common events - can best be explained as the influence of the Golden Solar Fox at work. All the world's a stage, and all its beasts are fools dancing for the Fox's amusement while they toss peanut shells on stage just to see who will slip and fall. Note: there is considerable debate as to whether the 'Kitsune' goddess commonly worshipped in Fyador is an extension of the Solar Fox. This gets into matters of metaphysics that are best ignored. Our work is complicated enough without dragging potential divinity into the mess.
The Phoenix: Current Ascendant of the Eighth Manse, the Phoenix is an avatar of violent rebirth. Long cycles of upheaval and prosperity dominate the lands under their influence, often rising to a fever pitch that, with their 'death', begins a period of chaos that begins the cycle of renewal once more. The chaos of the rebirth period in the Phoenix-dominated society, interestingly enough, seems to be offset by the remarkable stability of its renewal period.
The Dancing Lord: Master of the Court of Chaos, an informal coalition, or perhaps festivity, of Unknown Ones that appear, based upon our limited understanding, to be dedicated to the premise that reality is all one massive party. This sounds like a delightful proposition until they show up at your door unannounced on a Tuesday afternoon and don't leave until the next Sunday morning, by which point all your furniture is draped in discarded togas, the outhouse is trashed to the point of being flattened, and someone has eaten all of the snacks out of your cupboards. Satisfying this Unknown One and his retinue requires a very careful balance of partying, one designed to be just the right amount of 'turnt', as the youths say, to leave them satisfied.
It With Far Too Many Tentacles: Dwelling in the deep oceans, this Unknown One is among the more deadly and violent of the number known to us, and the most difficult to control. We count ourselves lucky that, being on land, interaction with this Unknown One is relatively rare; at most, the sudden and inexplicable disappearance of marine vessels can be attributed to its influence, though this is largely speculative. All that we truly know of It With Far Too Many Tentacles is that It is endlessly hungry, while also seeming to crave a certain amount of variety in its diet to keep things fresh. Perhaps it regularly roams around the world, seeking fresh variations for its buffet. Note: thanks to the archives recovered from Tatanalan-That-Never-Was, we do know the true name of this Unknown One. It is never to be spoken aloud, as doing so would summon It and quite quickly render us as 'The Vulpine Imperium-That-Never-Was' (plus, to be honest, it's almost completely unpronounceable).
The Silent Harbinger: This Unknown One is largely known in its influence over beasts who don its likeness, that being a mask wrought from iron. It is believed that the old Verfolger cult were dedicated, or at least directly influenced by, the Silent Harbinger during a period when it was Ascendant in the Fourth Manse. Adherents, vessels, and avatars of the Silent Harbinger frequently speak of or mutter to themselves blasphemous, incomprehensible truths that sound like madness to all ears but their own, repeating what is whispered in their ear by the masks that cover them. While they have a reputation for intense, even excessive, violence in service of their master, it is not indiscriminate; they operate as components of some great plan of an incomprehensible design, preparing the path for something else that is yet to follow. While we have no proof in the matter, I am quite convinced that whatever will follow in the Silent Harbinger's wake will be very unpleasant for a great number of beasts to experience.
There are, of course, infinitely more Unknown Ones, the known significantly less infinite than the truly unknown, but we lack the parchment and ink to describe them here. Please inquire with me directly at my office in the Research Department, or with one of my reference librarian assistants, should you wish to learn more about any particular Unknown One.
The Manses
The Manses are spheres of influence within our mortal world in which particular Unknown Ones, or sets thereof, have outsized influence upon its residents, geography, history, and physical stability. Sometimes they have been compared to kingdoms (and, indeed, many are in mortal terms), but this misapprehends the Unknown Ones as ruling within them, as opposed to simply dwelling, or perhaps more accurately abiding. To date, the most popular consensus among occultists is that there are nine manses at current, though some historical sources indicate that there were once more manses, and there may one day be more again (and, indeed, there might already be). The numbers assigned to each manse are largely arbitrary and inconsistent between sources; for this I will default to the system used by the Deathless Sages of Tatanalan-That-Never-Was.
The First Manse: Current physical location unknown. Perhaps egotistically, the sages of Tatanalan-That-Never-Was assigned themselves as the First Manse in their accounting, attributing it to the influence of Ascendant Hours. When the Hours broke and scattered to the equal horizons, Tatanalan ceased to be or have ever been the First Manse, leaving behind only scattered records that survived the Unmaking. Occultists debate whether or not the First Manse can or will reform while the Hours remain divided.
The Second Manse: Believed to be located somewhere on the Mahsterious Sahthern Cahntinent. Under the influence of the Warrior Mouse, the Second Manse is said to be a land in which strength is hidden within the hearts of its every resident. A few scattered records of attempts to invade the Second Manse indicate that many warlords mistook the quaintness of its villages and structures to indicate a simple, easily subdued people, only to be shocked, horrified, and/or slaughtered by the sheer resistance mounted to any infringement upon their domain. Among Occultists these days, it is well understood that to intrude upon the Second Manse is to court death, and most learned advisors do their best to steer their lords well away from such foolish pursuits.
The Third Manse: Currently in the Vulpine Imperium. The Third Manse, under the influence of the Golden Solar Fox, has always been characterized by a certain amount of chaos existing within a surprisingly stable balance. Usually this takes the form of pitting numerous interest groups and arms of the government against each other, keeping the populace in a constant roil of back-biting and acrimony. While one would expect that this would make the Third Manse fragile and prone to invasion or collapse, it has actually shown itself to be highly resilient and powerfully resistant to external influence.
The Fourth Manse: Last known to be in Raul, the small island off the west coast of the Varangian continent. The Fourth Manse is a land of secrets and whispers, where the fog obscures and bends reality into shadow. Secret societies flourish in the Fourth Manse, its reach trailing after them as they creep into the other manses. Violence is expected, not as an outburst of emotion, but as a show of devotion or as a pragmatic tool for the advancement of the Manse. Those under the influence of the Fourth Manse and its enigmatic Ascendant, the Silent Harbinger, show remarkable devotion even far from the Manse, indicating it is perhaps more transitive than previously understood.
The Fifth Manse: Currently in Akef, my own homeland. The Fifth Manse, under the influence of the Ten-Sided Scale, is a land of intense transactionality, in which debts are remembered with precision and carefully weighed against obligations and repayments. Society operates on a highly complex system of reputation and trust, with those who have the most proven record of honoring their deals able to broker arrangements even on behalf of other parties, which are then honored in turn. In the Fifth Manse, the value of one's agreement is paramount, and deliberate deception is an economic (and sometimes literal) death sentence.
The Sixth Manse: Currently in Hanshima. The Sixth Manse, under the influence of the Shattered Blade, is a land of intense strife between fragmented groups, constantly colliding, merging, and reforging themselves anew. Clans and factions bind themselves together under the will of a single leader, then shatter again when that paw falters, only reforging when a strong paw seizes it by the hilt once more.
The Seventh Manse: Currently in Felmar. The Seventh Manse, under the influence of its Ascendant, the Woeful Stalker, is a land of grim contradictions. A constant gloom infects the spirits of its peoples, a sense of dark foreboding and malaise that inflicts a certain fatalism in the spirit. The Woeful Stalker whispers into the soul that all is doomed, that ambition is futile, and that only a lucky few will be remembered a few years past their death, and even then, it will only be thanks to luck rather than any true skill of their own. Power is its own reward in this ethos, but it brings no comfort or assurances; worthiness is ultimately beyond anyone's control or determination, and to have not tried at all is regarded as safer than to try and fail.
The Eighth Manse: Currently in the Land of Phoenixes, aptly named for its Ascendant, the Phoenix. Recent history indicates that the Phoenix has manifested in dualistic entities, the Red and Blue Phoenixes, called Tletototl and Setototl in the local parlance. This is a split from the Unwritten Histories as encoded upon the Mirror of a Million Feathers, and perhaps indicates that the Phoenix is attempting to prolong or circumvent the Chaos period of its cycle altogether. The success of this is yet to be determined. When in a Chaos period, the Eighth Manse is a land of fierce infighting; when the Chaos ebbs and Restoration begins, the land flourishes anew, often with bounteous harvests that put all other nations to shame.
The Ninth Manse: Current location unknown, though leading theories point to either Alkamar or Fyador. The Ninth Manse, under the influence of its Ascendant the Bifurcated Beast, is a land of intense contradictions and divisions. Prone to tumultuous periods of unrest and reinvention of its own identity, the Ninth Manse is defined by an intense split within its denizens that requires violent 'breaks' in which the worst instincts of the beasts therein prevail, striking out in blood and terror, before a new identity forms and takes over once more. The Ninth Manse is known for being powerful, dangerous, and unpredictable in the canny madness that infests it.
What Is Unsaid
As mentioned above, this is merely a small fraction of the vagaries that constitute the Unwritten Histories, and, like all things, it is quite possibly entirely incorrect. Our very understanding of the Unknown Ones, the Manses, and the Weirdness could ultimately be proven to be nothing more than our own feverish hallucinations projected upon a reality that does not care to comport itself in any way that conforms to our pattern of understanding. This contradiction, this risk of all of our learning being utterly meaningless, is the hardest aspect of the job for any Occult Division member to accept, but ultimately the one that must be embraced in order to grow. It is a radical act of acceptance to recognize that all of one's studies, one's very life's work, might prove to be meaningless, and to proceed accordingly. My hope is that, by sharing even a fraction of my own understanding, you will be better prepared for the reality (or lack thereof) that awaits you out there.
