- Influence
- 780.00
(Found a script for an old radio report from Doctor Pombosta Bellfleger, presumably with contributions made by Dusk, Calico and others from back when)
Pombosta: Good afternoon, or for those of you on Fogey Nightwatch, good evening, or perhaps good morning if you are aboard ship and have not bothered to get out of your bunk yet – to which an officer who happens to be passing my window has to say:
Jeshal: Get outta bed yer lazy stinktoads an’ get polishin’ those decks with yer tailtips!
P: Quite. You will allow me to introduce myself – I am Doctor Pombosta Bellfleger, Imperium psychologist and self-elected reporter for his Grace’s ship The Golden Hide, bringing you less than up-to-date happenings concerning Captain Anithias Freedom’s exceptionally large vessel. As a taster of what’s to come in these sneak-peeks at thoroughly juicy sausages of gossip, we see alternate personalities taking advantage of young sailors, foxes squashed together in steamily small spaces, crewmembers locked in cages upon islands infested with scantily-clad warriors, not to mention the captain himself caught with his trousers down. As a side note, if any of you listeners have managed to find innuendos in my last two sentences then it is my regret to tell you that you are suffering from severe Ridicustoatus disease and must make an appointment with me immediately. Appointments cost four hundred gilders for each problem. Please send your gullibles, er, gilders along with a Missertrosse directly to me, and do make sure you end the letter with ‘flibbertygibbet’ or I shall not believe you worthy of my time. If you are unable to write and cannot find a literate beast to do so on your behalf, then I am sorry, there is no hope for you except to drink five pints of Ironsides, turn around three times and throw yourself into the bay.
Now, on to my latest scandal - *ahem* do excuse me, story. Earlier today I ventured out to the Golden Hide to question some of its crewmembers on the matter of Anithias Freedom’s fairly recent takeover as captain. The report went as follows:
(Sound of a bell distantly on deck, possibly a ship’s whistle. General shiply noises in the background of the interviews if possible)
P: You there, sir, could you spare us a few moments for the denizens of Bully Harbour?
Brek/Tomias: Oh, yes, well I suppose so.
P: Excellent, and your name?
Brek/Tomias: (name), miss.
P: Ms!
Brek/Tomias: (timidly) Ms.
P: What are your views on Anithias Freedom’s reign as captain?
B/T: …..
P: And do you feel secure with Ryalor as Admiral?
B/T: …..
P: Interesting. You may go. Shoo. Go away! Right… ooh, speak of Asmodeus, Admiral Ryalor! Admiral Ryalor! May I have a moment?
Tanya (Tox): Nah, not really...Oh, fine then. Wot d'yer want?
P: Why did you feel Freedom was right for the role of captain?
T: Because there's nothin' wrong wiv 'im in it? *small laugh* I d'know-I been workin' wiv 'im for a few seasons now an' seen 'im grow in th' Navy. 'es shown all th' traits an' intelligence perfec' for th' job and as my First Mate, I always felt safe delegatin' the running of me ship to him. He's a wonderful Cap'n, don' you fink?
P: No comment. Some might say you abdicated as captain because you preferred the cushier and cowardly role of hiding behind paperwork as an Admiral. What would you say to these beasts?
T: … *slight pause* Well tha' is an 'efty claim. As any good crewbeast of The Hide can tell you, my duties as Admiral rarely tend to distract me from spending the majority of time upon me flagship o' choice. ..'Abdicated' is not a word I'd like used to describe my promotion, eiver; I was promoted for th' role because both other candidates were greener in their ranks as Captain and thus less suited fer the responsibility. In address to th' statement of usin' paperwork as a barrier 'tween me and dangers at sea, I only gots this ter say: As Admiral, I act'lly 'ave less jurisdiction over runnin' the ship than the Cap'n when at sea as Naval etiquette states. Fer this reason I'm more'n 'appy to participate in th' less 'cushsy' jobs aroun' on deck, an' often do. ' 'M also expected ter lead th' fleets into battle should the possibility o' naval warfare occur again. If any one-pawed sociopafs'd like ter dispute the matter wi' me, however, I'm allus available ter chat.... No' tha' I'm pointin' any fingers, a'course.
P: Thank you for your time, Admiral. You have been very… informative. Oh, you there, girl. Come here. No, no, come here! Right…
Armina: LET ME GO!
P: Shush, I just want to ask you a few questions. Don’t be so silly. Now, what’s your name, dear?
A: Get stuffed!
P: Get…stuffed… note that down will you Lucifer, it needs to be recorded on the list of unfortunate titlings. And your surname?
A: (in pain, having her ear pulled) Agh! Rogue! It’s Rogue.
P: Thank you miss Rogue, now, what is your opinion of Mr Freedom as Captain of the ship?
A: …………
P: Oh that is delicious. What about your thoughts on Ms Ryalor?
A: ……..
P: That’s all for now, miss Getstuffed. See you anon. And one last word if we can…aha! The man himself. Captain!
Anithias: *In annoyance* I'm afraid I'm rather busy at the moment...
P: How are you coping in your reasonably fresh role as commander of the Golden Hide?
An: Quite well, thank you very much. It might seem vain to state as much, but captaincy runs within my blood. It is only fitting that it should manifest itself now.
P: Mmhmm, and would you say that Tanya Ryalor was fit for command before you took over?
An: What is that supposed to mean?
P: Nothing at all, sir. Merely an interest of the general public. Do you think her capable as leader of the fleet?
A: Admiral Ryalor has demonstrated her extraordinary ability to lead and nurture a crew on countless occasions, not least among them her careful care in my own- MR ASHPAW, STEP AWAY FROM THAT BALLISTA IMMEDIATELY!
P: You’ve been superb, Captain. I’ve got everything I need. Come on, Lucifer, that should do the trick.
P: That is all I have time for this week, ladies and gentlebeasts. See you next time. This has been Doctor Pombosta, and back to the studio.
Jeshal: Get outta bed yer lazy stinktoads an’ get polishin’ those decks with yer tailtips!
P: Quite. You will allow me to introduce myself – I am Doctor Pombosta Bellfleger, Imperium psychologist and self-elected reporter for his Grace’s ship The Golden Hide, bringing you less than up-to-date happenings concerning Captain Anithias Freedom’s exceptionally large vessel. As a taster of what’s to come in these sneak-peeks at thoroughly juicy sausages of gossip, we see alternate personalities taking advantage of young sailors, foxes squashed together in steamily small spaces, crewmembers locked in cages upon islands infested with scantily-clad warriors, not to mention the captain himself caught with his trousers down. As a side note, if any of you listeners have managed to find innuendos in my last two sentences then it is my regret to tell you that you are suffering from severe Ridicustoatus disease and must make an appointment with me immediately. Appointments cost four hundred gilders for each problem. Please send your gullibles, er, gilders along with a Missertrosse directly to me, and do make sure you end the letter with ‘flibbertygibbet’ or I shall not believe you worthy of my time. If you are unable to write and cannot find a literate beast to do so on your behalf, then I am sorry, there is no hope for you except to drink five pints of Ironsides, turn around three times and throw yourself into the bay.
Now, on to my latest scandal - *ahem* do excuse me, story. Earlier today I ventured out to the Golden Hide to question some of its crewmembers on the matter of Anithias Freedom’s fairly recent takeover as captain. The report went as follows:
(Sound of a bell distantly on deck, possibly a ship’s whistle. General shiply noises in the background of the interviews if possible)
P: You there, sir, could you spare us a few moments for the denizens of Bully Harbour?
Brek/Tomias: Oh, yes, well I suppose so.
P: Excellent, and your name?
Brek/Tomias: (name), miss.
P: Ms!
Brek/Tomias: (timidly) Ms.
P: What are your views on Anithias Freedom’s reign as captain?
B/T: …..
P: And do you feel secure with Ryalor as Admiral?
B/T: …..
P: Interesting. You may go. Shoo. Go away! Right… ooh, speak of Asmodeus, Admiral Ryalor! Admiral Ryalor! May I have a moment?
Tanya (Tox): Nah, not really...Oh, fine then. Wot d'yer want?
P: Why did you feel Freedom was right for the role of captain?
T: Because there's nothin' wrong wiv 'im in it? *small laugh* I d'know-I been workin' wiv 'im for a few seasons now an' seen 'im grow in th' Navy. 'es shown all th' traits an' intelligence perfec' for th' job and as my First Mate, I always felt safe delegatin' the running of me ship to him. He's a wonderful Cap'n, don' you fink?
P: No comment. Some might say you abdicated as captain because you preferred the cushier and cowardly role of hiding behind paperwork as an Admiral. What would you say to these beasts?
T: … *slight pause* Well tha' is an 'efty claim. As any good crewbeast of The Hide can tell you, my duties as Admiral rarely tend to distract me from spending the majority of time upon me flagship o' choice. ..'Abdicated' is not a word I'd like used to describe my promotion, eiver; I was promoted for th' role because both other candidates were greener in their ranks as Captain and thus less suited fer the responsibility. In address to th' statement of usin' paperwork as a barrier 'tween me and dangers at sea, I only gots this ter say: As Admiral, I act'lly 'ave less jurisdiction over runnin' the ship than the Cap'n when at sea as Naval etiquette states. Fer this reason I'm more'n 'appy to participate in th' less 'cushsy' jobs aroun' on deck, an' often do. ' 'M also expected ter lead th' fleets into battle should the possibility o' naval warfare occur again. If any one-pawed sociopafs'd like ter dispute the matter wi' me, however, I'm allus available ter chat.... No' tha' I'm pointin' any fingers, a'course.
P: Thank you for your time, Admiral. You have been very… informative. Oh, you there, girl. Come here. No, no, come here! Right…
Armina: LET ME GO!
P: Shush, I just want to ask you a few questions. Don’t be so silly. Now, what’s your name, dear?
A: Get stuffed!
P: Get…stuffed… note that down will you Lucifer, it needs to be recorded on the list of unfortunate titlings. And your surname?
A: (in pain, having her ear pulled) Agh! Rogue! It’s Rogue.
P: Thank you miss Rogue, now, what is your opinion of Mr Freedom as Captain of the ship?
A: …………
P: Oh that is delicious. What about your thoughts on Ms Ryalor?
A: ……..
P: That’s all for now, miss Getstuffed. See you anon. And one last word if we can…aha! The man himself. Captain!
Anithias: *In annoyance* I'm afraid I'm rather busy at the moment...
P: How are you coping in your reasonably fresh role as commander of the Golden Hide?
An: Quite well, thank you very much. It might seem vain to state as much, but captaincy runs within my blood. It is only fitting that it should manifest itself now.
P: Mmhmm, and would you say that Tanya Ryalor was fit for command before you took over?
An: What is that supposed to mean?
P: Nothing at all, sir. Merely an interest of the general public. Do you think her capable as leader of the fleet?
A: Admiral Ryalor has demonstrated her extraordinary ability to lead and nurture a crew on countless occasions, not least among them her careful care in my own- MR ASHPAW, STEP AWAY FROM THAT BALLISTA IMMEDIATELY!
P: You’ve been superb, Captain. I’ve got everything I need. Come on, Lucifer, that should do the trick.
P: That is all I have time for this week, ladies and gentlebeasts. See you next time. This has been Doctor Pombosta, and back to the studio.
